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So the meeting went better than I thought.



First. I won't lose my healthcare. At all.



Secondly. I might get some extra cash to hold me over until September. She said that is all she can do since I'll be starting school. Works for me. :)



Thirdly. I have food stamps. But only until September. School will cause me to lose them. Sadly. But Sean can apply for the both of us and get about twice as much as I was getting to cover us both. So no worries.



Now there is a downside. The state government might shut down Friday. So I may not have coverage for some things. Food and medical being the big ones. Thankfully we have the food covered. Medical is tricky. The place I go to for therapy/med management were told to continue services if the government shuts down so no issue there. But there is no solution on my medications. I have enough to last me until the middle of the month. Those fuckers better figure something out. I can't refill until next week...



:/



All in all. Pretty good so far. Stress is still kicking my ass.

Mary Jo rocks!



This morning when I woke up, I gave her a call and asked her if she knew who was keeping the superintendent office up at this time since it was summer, she told me that she was the one heading over there for a few hours today and asked what I was needing. I told her I just needed a copy of something out of my file and she told me to head over at about 10 am.



Thank god. I got the letter I needed. :)



I also got a much needed hug. ♥



She was one of my lunch buddies at work. Her and I chatted for a few minutes while I was there. I couldn't stay long though since I had to get going. It was nice though to see her.



It's been a nice start. And!!!



I WON SOMETHING



PTE runs these drawings every month. If you spend a certain amount of money in the time period, you can win something if your name is drawn. This month it was some fridge magnets from Elias Chatzoudis.



I FUCKING WON. And. FUCK YES THEY ARE ELIAS.



Elias Chatzoudis is my favorite artist. They are totally going to be my first magnets for our apartment.

So today I spent the day searching the room for my letter stating I was laid off on June 1st. I am pretty sure I tossed it out. But I need it for tomorrow.



I also walked to the school district offices across the street.



They were closed.



So I sent an email to the superintendent. I hope tomorrow my financial worker has some kindness in her and understands that I work at a school. A school. Meaning that during a few months during the year, it's closed. She doesn't believe I was laid off....



O.o



My employer is Independent School District #***. It states that right on all my paperwork. It's almost July. There are no schools in session. What the fuck makes her think I have a job right now?



This whole meeting tomorrow is retarded. She is questioning me because I haven't turned in sufficient proof of income for someone that is employed. At the same time, I've applied for unemployment for the next two months to cover me until work starts back up. She thinks I'm not trying to keep myself covered in regards to money. I -do- have those proofs. And will be taking them in to her. Ugh. This whole thing is stupid to me. I don't get why she can't use common sense on the fact I work at a school and it's summer. Obviously I have no money. I'm not a salaried employee. She knew this. I warned her of this 5 months ago. -.-



I'll find out tomorrow. :/

Happy fun time.



Pricing a laptop for school.



*makes promise to self*



I can not get anything that is super fancy. Just enough to do school work and that is IT.



If it can do more, I'll do things I shouldn't.

Yeah...



Not my night now. Minecraft keeps giving me Java errors.



And another shitty thing happened.



Why do I even bother?



Well it was fun while it lasted. Guess I'm just not meant to be.



Guess I should go do my CT tag for this week. Don't need to lose THAT too. :/



I really need to call my doctor and have her do something about my meds. I'm all out of whack.



I just know on Wednesday I'm going to lose my benefits as well since I lost my fucking letter that I was laid off and the school offices are closed and no one will answer my emails.



WTB>New week.

Nope.



Just.



Nope.



Not today.



Must find food and sanity.

I need to find a good reason to make Peanut Butter Cup pie.



Maybe 4th of July?



Or to celebrate me getting situated in school and us moving?



Whichever it is. I need a reason to make it. Not having one wouldn't be right. And I'd feel like a pig. :(

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sahahria
02:00 Jun 27 2011

Make it cause your boy is sooo sweet ... That way blame is on him (which I've yet to meet a guy that gets upset over that) and you get your pie :D

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Aww everyone thinks I'm number 1 today!



On another note. Got the money thing figured out. Took an IOU on Sean's part but his father has offered to cover the cost of fixing the car for us and we will pay him back in a couple of weeks. Such a relief for us.



Things will still be a bit tight, but we will be ok at least.



I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit stressed. Between this, school stuff, and game stuff I cracked a bit.



And...what is up with certain peeps checking out my page o.o



*worries*



I think I'm going to take some time to myself tomorrow and get lost in Minecraft. Make myself a new house or something. I need to clear some headspace again.

After the incident with the Mustang yesterday I am now sitting here staring at next week trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to make this work.



200 dollar paycheck.



168 dollars to fix the car.



60 dollars for the cell phones.



40 dollars for gas.



And I have to work getting food in there...



I've done some nifty things with money before, but this time I don't think I can pull anything off. Could the car have picked NEXT week to break. When we didn't have bills and groceries to deal with?



*sigh*

Why does this shit always happen?



We are 3 weeks from moving....and the mustang....



It's fucked. We don't have a car at this point. In order for us to have a car, we have to spend all the money have saved (again) to fix the car.



Every single time we get close to moving, it gets pushed back because our savings has to go and fix the fucking car.



This time it was the transmission.



And then in a month, we will get bitched at about why we haven't moved (irregardless of the fact we have been paying rent)



Oh. And the money my ex fucking owes me. That would come in handy right about now. Ya know...so it could go towards the fucking car. Me not working right now doesn't help either.



I just don't know what to do. I am tempted to ask my mom for help. No wonder I'm always depressed. Too much shit happens that pushes the one thing I want back farther and farther. *watches the possibility of going to Florida this year fly out the window*

Goals for today:



Get the samurai profile done.

Go see a movie.

Price school books.

Finish fixing my playlists...



Take over the world?



:D

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sahahria
18:15 Jun 25 2011

OOOOO! Can I help with the last one? :D

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I'm glad my rarama and I fixed things tonight. I needed it with how I've been feeling.



I'm back to the paranoid mania stage where I think I'm always the outsider looking in on friendship circles (maybe I really am?) and I don't feel too close to anyone lately. Having the fight with him this week made it worse because he is a close friend of mine and when I was stressed yesterday from the school stuff, he wasn't around for me to talk to. He told me that we will talk about it tomorrow when he's more awake since he wants to make sure I'm ok and to know what classes I'm taking.



But elsewhere, I feel like I'm on the edge. Not really close to anyone. Is it because I make it that way? Or do others do it to me? I am seriously unsure of what it is. I think part of it is that I don't fit in so I push myself to try and the other is that I don't allow myself to open up.



My therapist told me that the ones closest to me feel what I go through as well. I shut people out a lot so that they don't have to feel that. Maybe that is my issue?



*shrug*

Who knows? Who knows if this will get read or if I'm just rambling on.

So as many of you guys know, I'm a fairly new driver (just got my learning permit about a year ago)



Well I haven't driven much due to winter and other issues. But today and yesterday I've had to do quite a bit of it.



Earlier this week, Sean's mother broke her foot. She has appointments she needs to get to. I'm the only person home that can drive.



Meaning I get practice, and she gets to where she needs to go. Works out well.



But today. Today was interesting. I get his mother to her appointment. Then later I take her to do some errands. Fine. But I have paralleled parked only once before in my life. I had to do so today, on a busy street. For not having a clue how to do it. I did a pretty decent job. Ok the back end of the car was sticking out a bit, but whatever. I'm still learning here!



She gets out of the drugstore and I get out of the car to help her real fast into the car and some middle aged bitch in some giant ass SUV decides to pull up behind and start cussing me out for my shitty parking job. I've been up since 6am. I quietly finish getting his mother in the car (I'm also on the phone with my own mother) and tell them both to hold on a second.



I walk over to that SUV and this is what spews out of my mouth. "Look bitch. I don't know where you get off thinking you are the queen of fucking parking, but I still have a fucking learners permit. You obviously don't. You can take your giant ass SUV and shove it sideways if you can't manage to park in the space I left you. Two cars can fit there."



I get back into the car, tell my mom I'll call her back when I get home since I'm about to start driving again and go home.



Yay for driving!

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Vampirewitch39
01:56 Jun 25 2011

Good for you. And good about the school, math sucks. :)

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Been holding off on doing this entry.



Today was a rough day. I did my testing for school. Bombed my math part. Soared on my writing.



I have time to refresh and retest my math. But I am registered and have my fall classes set. Rock and Roll history, Choir, Freshman Comp, Gen. Psych., and Interpersonal Communications. I get to do my writing class online since I tested so high. Woo?



The math thing has shaken me to the core. And lately all the tagging I've had time for is for the CT stuff so I figured I'd tag a bit for myself. I needed to clear some headspace and get lost in making something I enjoy and not for promoting purposes. I also put on some music that most people on here don't like. Hip-hop. Mainly a combo of Snoop Dogg, Lil Jon, and Ying Yang Twins. I think there was some Pitbull in there.



Anyways, here is the taggie I made to clear my head. Nothing fancy.







One of the more "VR friendly" tubes by this artist. I ♥ his art though. Sadly I can't show most of it here. Him and Huerta...I'd lose my account for sure.

So after exchanging messages with an old friend from high school, I am seriously confused.



It started out fine with the asking how each other was doing and such.



And then it turned into her asking me what do I do for a job now...



"I'm a special education aide."



"What's that?"



"I work with special ed kids in the local elementary school and give them one on one help in the classroom."



"Oh. Well I'm a manager at Tropical Smoothie!"



It later turned into her asking if I'm an aide because I couldn't get any better after school....



Um. I'm going to be working on a teaching degree soon. You work at a smoothie shop. *scratches head*



...I think I remember why I fell out of contact with her.



My head hurts.

So I caved in.



My last commission was nice and all since I enjoy fairies, but I have been itching for another one.



This time one more in my likeness.



I have commissioned The Hunter to do a painting/tube of me (well it's my face) as a rocker chick.



You can check out his work here:

http://apocalipsstudio.deviantart.com/



I'm excited. He said he'd have it done by Friday!

Straight up caffeine detox....initiated this morning.



My, doesn't my bed look awful comfy?



It's either that or my keyboard. Must. Stay. Awake.



Need to learn to function like a normal human.



*yawn*



I know I've tried this before, but I failed. I did cut back a lot..but apparently not enough.



So here goes round two!



*crashes*

Don't fucking tell me you didn't see my messages on facebook "reminding" you that you were going to pay me yesterday (as you requested) if you were FUCKING MAKING STATUS UPDATES ALL DAY.



A: Your privacy settings are shit. I could view your entire profile no issues without being your friend.



B: I could also see through your entire bullshit. When you changed you relationship status and when you changed it back. A week? And then a random comment of "I meant to change this a while ago" on the day you tell me you lost someone you love. Not born yesterday. And I'm a pro facebook creeper.



C: You wouldn't have to "deal" with me if you paid your debt over a year ago. You are the shittard that has dragged this on since May of last year. You have given excuse after excuse. Mainly ones stating that you don't have the money for some reason or another. But this last one. This last one was funny. You were too emotionally distraught? Fuck that. Pay up bitch.



D: I'm at my breaking point. I have been cordial and polite for the most part given the situation. I have stated that the sooner you pay me, the sooner I will be out of your life forever. I don't want to be in your life and I don't want you in my life. I would like to move on and continue with my happy and healthy life. I'm sorry you feel you need to drag this on for some sick twisted way of holding on to something you gave up on. But pay me so I can fucking get on with life. K?



I needed to get this off my chest. I won't say this to his face. But if he does read this. Woo.

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notebook
09:17 Jun 12 2011

Maybe they thought what was important to you was not important to them

It happens sometime

I think talking face to face is best

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Abstract
23:56 Jun 12 2011

You don't know the situation. At all.



My ex owes me money from a debt he racked up under my name. This has dragged on for over a year at this point. He had ample time to pay me before I moved 1700 miles away from his ass and he didn't. My only means of communicating with his retarded ass is online.



What is important for me better be fucking important for him because I may be suing soon enough.

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If I wasn't in a foul mood before, I am now.



When I went downstairs earlier to find out what they wanted for dinner, I tripped over a child's backpack. Meaning Sean's nephew was here for the night. Again.



Whatever.



When we got home from grocery shopping we found out that he had taken two cans of our soda (Mt Dew) and we have feeling to believe he also took one of Sean's sandwiches for his lunch.(Uncrustables) The count is off on those and one is missing. I didn't eat them since I've had yogurt for lunch today.



We just went downstairs to take some dishes down and his father asked him where he buys the popsicles that I eat....



Apparently that little shit ate some of them. And by some. I mean half a fucking box.



Those things are 8 dollars a box. Why?



I'm allergic to red food coloring and have to buy ones made with fruit juice. Real juice.



Needless to say. I'm pissed. This is the same kid that is mouthy and won't eat whatever is for dinner just so he can have McDonalds.



Glad I hid my GOOD popsicles when we got home from shopping. I won't let anyone eat my pureed strawberries on a stick. Those things are fucking epic.



I'm done. Just needed to get that out of my system.

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Isis101
04:36 Jun 11 2011

Oh God...at some point, this kid needs to just go and stay at home...

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So a small update from the other night.



Sean and I have talked over the "issue"



One of our biggest things that we always talk about is give and take. Well he offered that this weekend we go to this gaming thing over in the next town. Out of the clear blue he offered it.



Of course I was like "um, you sure about that hun?"



He did say that we could go for a bit, maybe an hour or two. It's not a long time, but better then nothing. He also hinted at chinese food. So trashy buffet chinese food is in the plans I think. That will be three social outings in a week. Wal Mart/Dinner on Wednesday. Grocery shopping tonight. And the gaming thing this weekend.



Yayness?



Maybe I'll get to drive. If it doesn't snow again.



BTW



It snowed last night. Snowed!

IN JUNE.



Just had to get that out.

So cranky mode activated.



In our guild on Dofus, I am one of the leaders. Our guild is run by a council and no one person is the "leader" we all share the responsibilities. Or rather, we divide them up and take what we like best XD



In my case, I deal with incoming members and applications. So part of my morning online routine is to go to the guild website and see if we have new applications or new votes on the existing ones.



Well on our forums we have the application dropbox set up so that new posts are hidden by default. That way I can check over the application for any issues and then approve it and move it over to the discussion section so that members can vote. During this process, after someone who is applying his the post button, they don't see that application anymore. This is stated.



To apply to Einherjar:

Use the application template located in this sub-forum.

After you're done filling it just create a thread and post your application there.



Do not post it more than once. It's there. You might not see it but it's there.



I wake up this morning to see an application that I moved over last night reposted in the dropbox 3 more times.



And also posted in the general discussion. Love how one of my guildies replied with, "When Harly sees the application here in the open, you won't get in at all. No matter how good the application is. You didn't read the directions."



I'm cranky at the stupid. And at my ex. But that isn't going to be discussed here. If you are curious and are a close friend, I'll indulge you. But if not, not your business. You'd have to know the back history of him and I to get what is going on anyways. XD

Breaking away from myself. That is what has happened in the past year.



I'm happy yet I'm unhappy.



I love being with Sean. I love him to death and everything regarding our relationship is fantastic except one aspect.



He has Aspergers Syndrome. That part doesn't bother me, but what comes along with it is what is causing an issue. He doesn't socialize with people. It is something he doesn't do. He doesn't have friends and is perfectly content with it. Because of that, since moving to Minnesota, the only social contact I had was at work. With people almost 10 years older than myself. Meaning the only things we have in common is the fact we work together. I haven't had the chance to make new friends.



Due do the lack of socialization and ability to go outside and do stuff, I have become a shut in and have had to depend on my online friends. Both those from back home and those I have met online to help me keep whatever sanity I have left. The problem with this is that I have issues with being super social online. Or if I am, if something goes wrong, I panic. I have anxiety attacks and I turn into a mess. I take offense to things easily because I have shitty self worth.



Now, come August things will hopefully change. I start school. I'll have the chance to meet people my age. My issue then will be learning to make new friends. Something I haven't done since I was 14-15. When I was living in Florida, my friends were all friends from school. I stuck with them after school, we were very close.



Overall, I've fallen into a very deep state of depression on top of my bipolar due to this. It's not that I don't want friends, I just haven't had the chance to meet people due to working and not knowing where places are. My boyfriend doesn't socialize so there isn't a chance there.



This is something that bothers me, a lot. And oddly, I'm not very social on VR. Only when I pop into cams. I don't message people and I rarely get messages from people. I am, however very social on my game. I spend hours chatting on skype with a friend nightly. He is like a little brother to me.



This is hard to write, and I hope that if anyone does comment that you have some consideration that a lot of this is due to circumstance. It is something I am working on. You may find I will not be online as much in the future. I'm attempting to break away. For my mental health.

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Deity
08:51 Jun 09 2011

♥

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Dreamweaver
09:02 Jun 09 2011

Having to learn to make new friends again sucks. I had to do that when I changed states. Totally different culture and I felt like a freak at work. Different humor, manners and ways of speaking. Seemed like every time I tried to make friends with someone, they got offended by my mannerism or thought I was a total jerk. I just gave up a few times and learned to ignore a lot of stuff. It did get better, it just took longer than I wanted.

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Vampirewitch39
12:50 Jun 09 2011

Well I check on ya per your journal. And if I don't see that icon come onto my screen under friends I wonder where you are. :) Even tho we don't chat often.



It will go great- you are a wonderful person, and know all the 'new' stuff the young kids love. Start with that and move on with the in person face to face talking.

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MooniePie
02:35 Jun 11 2011

That is a really hard situation. When different 'issues' factor into a big ball of stress it can take a toll on you.



I understand the 'shitty self worth' feeling. It's not fun to go through. :(



Things will get better. Keep your chin up and keep working on it. ♥ You always have support. Even if you just need to scream and yell at someone. ;)

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sahahria
02:00 Jun 12 2011

What the lovely ladies said

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Things I have accomplished today:

•Swallowing part of my tongue ring. Fantastic.



•Disclosing parts of my life that I have kept to myself on the site because of idiocy that goes on surrounding the sub-culture that is present here. Most of them are drama mongering whores. You can call me a wannabe or whatever. But truth be told, I know what I am and I don't have to prove it to your or to anyone. You make us all look retarded. Plain and fucking simple. I have a college degree, a full time job, and I'm going back to school. I don't have the time nor the patience to deal with your drama or to prove shit to you.



•I animated purely on selections and blurring. That was impressive for me. And totally old school. I'm proud of myself for that. It was a step outside of the box for me.



•I finalized my financial aid papers today. I'm good to go. Woo!



•I've made 15million gold in today on Dofus. Pretty impressive for just sitting on my ass. No bug abuse, just finding a new market. ♥



and the best part....



•Sean and I got to spend time with each other and we shared a pretty nice moment earlier. This weekend we will have to ourselves and are planning a nice picnic. Each and every day I fall more and more in love with him. It's always a good day to have him come home and feel his arms around me.

So yesterday while over skype with a friend I was looking at the Jelly Belly website.



Now some of you know this, but I adore jelly beans.



Well I have learned that I could purchase 10 pounds of Jelly Belly jelly beans for 81 dollars.



I'm figuring this will be a goal. I can pick the flavors I want, so I can pick ones I'm not allergic to. So this is totally a plus for me.



I mean, you can suggest that I buy 10 pounds from another company, but they won't omit the ones with red like Jelly Belly would. Plus, Jelly Belly taste the best. :D



The entire time I'm going on about this, my friend is on skype going "10. 10 pounds. What are you going to do with 10 pounds of jelly beans? 10 pounds!"



I do know this. I'll be sick by the end of it. :D

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Sulks
14:43 Jun 03 2011

LOL cool! I don't think I could face 10lbs of jelly beans though haha :D

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sahahria
14:51 Jun 03 2011

Oooooo!



Perhaps you should get red ones and mail them to me ;)



Lol I love this goal!

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PhoenicianDream
22:53 Jun 03 2011

Lawdy. Don't tell Moonie. She'll be all over your jellybeans.

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So after a nice well-needed rest, I can write about yesterday.



Yesterday was my last day of work. It was also a day where I had to cram everything and micromanage my time.



Work was pretty simple until I had to say good bye. It was easy wishing the 1st and 2nd graders a good summer, not so much the 3rd graders because they won't be in the school next year. I teared up a bit. I won't lie.



Right after work it was off to the college to situate things for my own schooling. That is all good and ready to go. I start August 22nd. My class choices are almost done. They want to test me to see if I can skip a few things though. Understandable.



Then it was straight to the doctors office from the school. The doctor is worried about some of the symptoms of my Bipolar since the meds aren't helping and prescribed a sunlamp. She feels the different sunlight is causing it. Hopefully the bright ass light helps?



Then it was back to work for the playground event. I had to work it. By this point I was ready to pass out. Was there in the sun for about 3 hours making sure kids didn't die in the bounce house.



After that my boyfriend wanted to go to dinner. I swear I about killed him.



Got home and the only thing I wanted to do was take my shoes and bra off and just collapse.



I ended up getting a good night of sleep. But a nap might be in order later :D